A Fat & Geeky Review

Publisher: Sega

Genre: Inline skating, tagging action

Platform: Sega Dreamcast

# of Players: 1

ESRB Rating: Teen

Difficulty: Medium

Fat: It's been a while since we've done a review, Geeky, so let's get down to it.

Geeky: Is our review...for Playstation 2?

Fat: Well, no...I told you I wasn't going to get one 'till there was some games I wanted, and I couldn't get one now even if I wanted to...Y'know, the whole "Yago!"(tm) thing and all...

Geeky: I...got...one.

Fat: Hm? Well, okay, cool. Is there anything you want to review on it?

Geeky: Hmmnmm...Playstation 2 is a rEvolutiOn in GaMing, with grAPhics and gaMePlay FaR bEyonD any oTher cONsoLe..

Fat: Uhm...oh-kay...are you feeling alright, Geeky?

Geeky: PlAYsTaTIon 2 is tHe UlTiMatE gaMINg eXpEriEncE! WiTH itS extReMElY hiGh BiTTagE anD ProCesSiNG pOwEr, tHis sYsTEM caNNot bE cOMpaRed to aNy of ThE oThEr uNderPoWerED ChILdrEn'S plAYtHings...

Fat: "bittage?" that's fanboy speak! Uh-oh...he's showing symptoms....better do one more test just to make sure...(Fat turns on the TV) Geeky, look over there...what do you see?

Geeky: I....See...SomEtHing ThAt woULd lOoK BetTer on PlAYsTAtIon 2...

Fat: "Charles in Charge" would look better on Playstation 2? It's just as I feared! the hype, the peer pressure... it's turning Geeky into a "SONBIE!!"*

*Sonbie: a gamer driven to the point of extreme biased assed-ness by a mixture of extreme Sony hype, peer pressure from other Sonbie fanboys, and a need to justify waiting for hours in line to spend vast expenditures of money on an over-hyped system with as-of-yet nothing but mediocre to bad games. Symptoms include spouting Sony fanboy rhetoric constantly, and comparing all life experiences with Playstation 2.

Geeky: PlAysTAtIon 2 mAkeS alL of My plAYStatiOn gAmeS lOOk bEtTer tHan DreAmcAst GAmEs! PlAyiNg tHe GreaTneSS thaT iS PlaYStAtioN 2 is lIke giVinG birTH...

Fat: oh, man..it's gettin' REAL bad! I've gotta do something...but what? Hmmm...maybe a truly great DC game will snap him out of this! But I don't have Shenmue yet...wait! I've got it!

(Fat deftly slaps Jet Grind Radio into his Dreamcast, and quickly turns the machine on)

Geeky: FoOOl! YoU aRE WaSTIng yoUR TimE wiTH thaT OutDaTeD uSElEsS dOORsToP of A SyStem! ThE FuTURe Is pLAyStaTIOn....eh? (Geeky stares as Jet Grind Radio's colorful motion fills the screen)...Jet...Set?

Fat: Yes! That's right, Geeky! I bought the Japanese import of this game, Jet Set Radio, months ago. This is the US version, Jet Grind Radio!

Geeky: Jet...Grind...StUpiD! PLAAYYSTATION TWOOO...

Fat: No Geeky! Good games are good no matter what system they're on! You know this! Fight the hype, Geeky! FIGHT IT! (Fat hands Geeky the DC controller. Geeky resists at first, but slowly, and reluctantly, grasps the controller and begins to play...)

Fat: You remember, don't you, Geeky? You control the GGs, a gang of "rudies", each member with motorized magnetic inline skates. The object is to defend your turf and invade the turf of rival gangs by spray painting your logos wherever there's an arrow. You skate through several huge locations, each one ruled by a different gang. You also will have to contend with the cops, led by Captain Onishima, who will stop at nothing to end your tagging spree. You won't believe some of the stuff he throws at you, such as teargas troops, machine gun troopers, and even worse. You also have showdowns with the gangs, where you have to chase 3 members and spray paint your logo on their backs. Everything that's going on is being manipulated by a secret enemy. You'll find out who it is as you play the game.

Geeky: PS....Jet...Grind....

Fat: (Good! I think he's snapping out of it!) Okay, Geeky...using the inline skates, you can do tons of death defying tricks and stunts to escape the police and spray places that are too high for you to reach through conventional jumping. In certain points of the game, you will be challenged by several different skaters that will show you new tricks, or challenge you to a race through one of the huge urban areas. If you win, or you succesfully do the tricks they show you, they'll join you and become playable. You can also pick up "Grafitti Soul" emblems, that will give you more symbols to choose from when you're painting. Speaking of which, the game has a built-in Grafitti builder that allows you to make your own custom tags. You can also download most any Jpeg from the web and use it. Using the DC modem, you can also upload your stats and scores.

Geeky: Graphics...goood...

Fat: (Yes! It's Working!) That's right, Geeky...The graphics in this game use an effect called "Cel-shading" which reduces the color and detail to make the game look more like an animated cartoon. For this game, the effect works very well. The levels are vibrant and colorful, and besides some occasional sporadic bursts of Slowdown (which the US version of the game seems to have more of, actually), everything moves at a blazing fast pace. The US version includes 2 new city levels that are simply amazing examples of level design. Each character and enemy simply oozes with style (especially Onishima, he's a riot), and everything in the game looks like it belongs. The way the characters animate is a sight to behold. Even the innocent bystander characters that scramble out of your way are well done, and the stunts give you an incredible feeling of height and inertia. Visually, this game is in a league of its' own. There are other cel-shaded games, but none of them move and animate quite like this.

Geeky: the Music...is good.

Fat: (He's almost cured...) Yep, a big part of the game is Professor K, a crazy DJ that runs the pirate radio station, Jet Set Radio. He's the narrator for the game's story, he gives you occasional advice, and he plays non-stop music for each stage. All of the eccentric music of the Japanese version is included in the US version (which is great, it'd be an absolute crime to get rid of "Super-BRUTHA!!!"), but some of it has been slightly changed, and I'm not sure why. The new levels feature new music from Rob Zombie (not Sonbie), Mixmaster Mike, and others. The new music works great for the US levels as well. If you absolutely can't stand the tunes, you can turn em' off and play something you like. All of the voices of the characters have been redone for the US version, with mixed results (The hackles on the back of my neck rise when I hear "I got Mad skills" in a whiny girl's voice). There's also new narration for the US city levels, done by one of the gang members, Combo, which is pretty decent.

Geeky: The control on Jet Grind has a bit of a learning curve at first, but once you get used to it, you'll be grinding girders and 1080 flippin' with the best of 'em. A lot of the game's challenge lies in how accurate you are with your jumps. Some of the Grafitti souls require some really tricky skating to get to, but the satisfaction you get from finally pulling off some of the trick combos and getting them is worth any frustration.

Fat: Welcome back, Sony-boy.

Geeky: What? I didn't go anywhere...and who are you calling Sony-boy, bunky? You're just jealous 'cause your last "Fat asks why" rant was WRONG, and I DID get a PS2 and you DidN'T...

Fat: Okay! okay..you're right (I don't want to cause a Sonbie re-lapse). Even the greatest games have some problems. In this one, the problem lies in some bad camera angles. Oftentimes when you spray a target, the camera changes angles to show you doing it. When you're grinding or moving forward fast, it usually isn't a problem, but sometimes it can be very disorienting, and there's a couple of places where it might screw you up. Also, if you get in an enclosed area, the camera almost ALWAYS chooses the wrong place to zoom in. Sometimes you lose sight of your character and you can't figure out where you are. Also, from my experience in playing the Japanese version, I can tell you that the gang battles are much easier: Each gang member has a number counter above him/her so that you can tell how many times you have to paint him, which is a marked improvement, but the gang members have been dumbed down quite a bit, and they didn't really need to be. These slight problems pale in comparison to the game's overall excellence.

Geeky: I feel kinda weird. I hear Russian gulag music in my head, and I have a real bad taste in my mouth, like I was licking Brillo pads.

Fat: You'll be alright...now. You just had a bit too much Sony hype in your system.

Geeky: What is WITH you? How come you keep talking about Sony all the time? Geez, the next thing you'll say is that I get AROUSED by Sony hype...

Fat: Let's....hope it never comes to that. For your sake.

Graphics: (Fat) 9.9 (Geeky) 9.7

Sound: (Fat) 10 (Geeky) 9

Control: (Fat) 8.9 (Geeky) 9.0

Playability: (Fat) 10 (Geeky) 10

Worth a rent?: Hell YES.

Worth a buy?: In our view, most assuredly. This is the smoothest, most original game to come out in quite some time.

Worth buying the system for?: We hate to be redundant, but "Yes". If you have your heart set on having only a PS2, games like this may make you a multi-system owner.

Fat & Geeky's Final Notes: This game has "killer app" written all over it. Anyone who considers themselves a "true gamer" owes it to him or herself to play this game at least once.

Click on the pics below to see larger pic.

Just one of the game's many characters shows his (gimpy) moves.

Some of the story is told in a cool comic style.

When you do something good, like this jump, you get an instant replay.

Let's see Mario top THIS jump...

Shawn's dream...GH logos everywhere...

Grind Square is one amazing level.

You STILL think you're gettin' a PS2?

Chasing down the Love Shockers.

It's all about speed and skill..

Spreadin' the gospel! Show you right!

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