09/22/00

WHY does Sony call their new "portable" (not battery compatible) Playstation the "PS 1"? If THAT's the PS1, what Sony system have we been playing for all these years? The PS-Zero? Maybe the PS Point five....

WHY am I not at all Surprised that the Dreamcast version of Bleem!'s release date keeps getting pushed back further and further? I've dealt with Bleem ever since the PC version, and let me tell you, a flakier company is hard to come by. They haven't released an update for the PC version for about 8 months, their website's forum has been "down for maintenance" for months (read: they don't wanna have to put up with your crap), and they've stopped talking to the press. Some speculate that maybe their court battles with Sony (and perhaps Sony ninjas targeting the company's main programmer) have brought the release of the DC version to a halt. It's my belief, however, that Bleem is just being themselves. Their initial release was many months late, and so were many of their updates. It's par for the course for the DC version to be (much)later than expected.

WHY has Conker's Bad Fur day disappeared from all future release lists? Perhaps Nintendo has come to the realization that this title would do their wholesome family image irreparable damage. It's Geeky's theory that Nintendo NEVER planned to release the game, simply showing it off at E3 for media attention (as well as an excuse to sell beer at their booth). This may not sound logical for Joe Schmoe Co. with a limited budget, but this is Nintendo we're talking about here, and since they had no Gamecube to show at the last E3, a good controversial title is the next best thing. I hope that in some form Conker is still released (unless they tone it down, without all the nasty stuff they put in, it's just another boring 3rd person 3D scroller), but at this point, BFD's future is in doubt. Nintendo shouldn't expect ALL of us fanboys to forget it. I haven't.

WHY is it that at this time, in late September as I write this, Sony has not released a single advertisement for the PS2? It's due to come out next month, guys. Believe it or not, the general public probably doesn't realize it's coming, at least not so soon. Since Sony's pre-orders are all basically sold out (thanks to their "shortage", and the fact that each store is only getting 10-20 units), perhaps they figure that they don't NEED to advertise it yet. Another "perhaps" is that Sony figures they oughtta gear all of their current advertising toward getting rid of as much PS..1? (still confused about that, see the above first "why") software as they can before the impending release of its' successor. At any rate, Sony's arrogance is showing through to me here. They are SO certain that they will dominate (and unfortunately, they probably will) that they're not even worried about advertising the new system. As for my attitude on this, I wouldn't mind Sony dominating if they EARN the top spot with a quality system and great games, but they'll most likely do it like they've done in the past, with hype and shovel-ware (good games are there, but through few actions of Sony).

WHY can't anybody tell me which song the following is quoted from? (you don't count, Geeky)...

"The morn the morn the morn the morn that I was born my old man beat up the doctor"

"He clocked the doctor 'cause the doctor said I look like Chewbacca"

"The doctor said sir you're misled sir which infers you mistook me"

"I did not mean your lovely wife was shackin' up with a wookie"

"What I mean is Wolverine is less hairy than your son"

"He looks like Chewie (Bababooey Bababooey) and-a Hong Kong Fooey all in one"

To put it mild your newborn child's completely nutty fearful lookin'"

"I'd shove him back into the oven until he is done cookin'...."

WHY's everybody always pickin' on me?

I'm in a bit of a dilemma here. I realize that the First Tony Hawk title is a great game, with an easy learning curve and a satisfying control scheme. I also realize that Tony Hawk 2 is even better, adding more objectives and a skate park editor that puts most "level editors", like in Unreal Tournament to shame in it's simplicity and ability. After all of that, I have nothing left but to ponder......WHY do I still not care about these games? It's that Different Strokes thing again I guess.

WHY does Nintendo insist on creating more and more nightmarish, crippling torture devices for controllers? The initial design for the Gamecube pad at least LOOKS very uncomfortable (the Waverace controller looks okay. As for different controllers for each game, I could put another WHY here, but I think you all can see where I'd go with it), not to mention pretty fragile (the better to buy replacement controllers for, my dear..). If this controller trend keeps up with them, I can see Mario Party 12's controller involving many similarities to shackles, a railroad spike, lots of broken glass, and a medium-sized beartrap. You'll be able to tell avid Nintendo players by the Pikachu-shaped blood red abrasions on the outer sides of their wrists, as well as their downward compressed thumbs.

Let's pick on Nintendo some more. WHY do they have so much trouble learning from their mistakes? Okay, they're finally off of the stupid cartridge kick, but now they switch to some funky-ass mini DVD format?!? Need I say it? Haa-DUHhh! One of the main reasons a lot of third parties opt for Sony is because of the inexpensive media of CDs, and the cheapening media of DVDs. Nintendo, of course, (and Sega too) has to keep the prices high by keeping their format some weird proprietary standard. Nintendo has always made their licensees pay for the "privilege" of making games for their systems. This, and the almost outrageously expensive (and somewhat limiting) cartridge format is what made many third parties switch from Nintendo (this includes Square, which switched to Sony after figuring out that it would take them about 3 years of development to make an FF type game for the N64). There's always the issues of piracy and copying, but face it guys, these different formats haven't stopped anyone who really wants to from copying (and emulating) N64 games, or ripping Dreamcast GD-Roms. So, ultimately, all Nintendo's doing is throwing cash, and some potential third parties, down the toilet.

WHY can't I think of any Sega rants right now? Hmmm...okay, I have a chant for this: Say this slowly at first, then faster: A-wa.....ta-by....az-az....iam.

Thanks for reading everyone. Until next time, keep asking WHY...

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