11/08/00

Vote?  Hell, no!  Shenmue is out!

Yup, it looks like that messy election is still going on (recount in Florida, it seems), but I couldn't care less.  "But", you say, "what could be more important than choosing the new leader of our country?"  Shenmue, that's what.  Yu Suzuki's magnum opus is here, and it's everything it was cracked up to be, and then some.  Who has time to monkey with some silly little election when a game like this is upon us?

As everyone should know by now, Shenmue is centered around a young martial artist named Ryo Hazaki.  Upon seeing his father killed by an unknown assailant, Ryo undertakes a great quest for vengeance.  Along the way, he'll meet hundreds of people, fight his way out of sticky situations, and even drive a forklift or two.  Yu Suzuki has managed to create a new genre once again, this time known as the enigmatic "FREE" (Full Reactive Eyes Entertainment).  Sounds silly, but what it means is that one does not simply play Shenmue, one experiences it.  From the completely interactive environments (every cabinet can be opened, every building explored) to the huge cast of characters who each have their own little daily routines, there has simply never been a title of this scope in the history of gaming.

Sure, you could just follow the story and blow through the game in 20 hours.  But, you'd be missing out on the majority of the game that way, and no real gamer wants to do that.  Aside from gathering clues and fighting street toughs, Ryo can care for an orphaned kitten, play full versions of Outrun and Space Harrier in the local arcade, collect toys, play darts, practice karate, work part-time jobs, snag a Coke - damn near anything you can think of, Ryo can do it.  The world of Shenmue really feels like a real world, with every little detail painstakingly rendered for your enjoyment.  The passage of time dictates the way this world works, as it does ours, and Ryo has to sleep and eat just like any other person.  I suppose that one could make the case that the game is too realistic, making the experience more tedious than anything else.  And, to some ADD-afflicted individuals, that may be true.  However, with unrivaled visuals, on any system, along with a gripping plot and a simply magnificent soundtrack, Shenmue looks to be every gamer's dream come true.

My score:  This one goes to 11!...and then some.

"But", still you say, "how can you compare the release of a video game with the election of the leader of the free world?"  Well, kids, if those surly government teachers have gotten ya all worked up over the "power of the individual", then let me put the kybosh on your parade right here:  Your vote doesn't matter.  That's right, MTV and all off those other media channels prompting you to "make your voice heard" have deceived you.  The real power to elect the President lies in the electoral college, not with every Joe Six-pack and Betsy Bleeding-heart in America.  This ancient and outdated custom dates back to the friggin' Constitutional Convention, when it was assumed that the average American was simply too uneducated and otherwise unprepared to make such a major decision.  So, the real power to elect a President was given to old, white men of wealth and influence.  Now, while the electoral college perhaps is no longer confined to this demographic, it nevertheless still has the power to override the popular vote and go over the helmets of the American public.  It just turns out that the electoral vote and the popular vote usually go to the same candidate.  However, the electoral college has overridden the popular vote three times before, and it could certainly happen again.  Quite frankly, I actually hope that the electoral and popular votes end up going to different candidates this time around.  The average American is at least somewhat informed of the world around him, and having some bureaucrats making his vote worthless might be just the impetus we need to get rid of this silly convention once and for all.

Then again, how often does the President actually affect our daily lives?  Unless you're in the military or some such thing, I would guess almost never.  The Governor affects me much more than whoever ends up sleeping in the White House, so that's another reason I don't really care about this whole election.  Oh, and all of the candidates suck.  I don't really think it makes a difference who wins at this point, aside from the fact that I don't really want the Super Censorship Tag-team of Tipper and Leiberman in any positions of power (we can't let anything unsavory happen to our glorious violence, after all).

So, instead of wasting time messing with that whole election thing, you should be experiencing the greatest game ever made.  Better than Zelda and better than Metal Gear, Shenmue is the one we've all been waiting for, and neither rain, nor sleet, nor too-close-to-call election will keep from basking in its warm glow.  Get thee to a game store, and see what all the fuss is about.  And, prepare to be amazed.

Note: The inflammatory comments spewed forth in Brad's Soapbox are his own editorial steps on the brink of madness, and are not necessarily the opinions of Gamehits, or anyone else on Earth, for that matter.

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